How to make friends as an introvert in a new city
Published: · 8 min read
Making friends as an introvert in a new city doesn't require acting more extroverted. We recommend choosing an activity you enjoy, making room to return and following up when a conversation feels comfortable. A quieter, repeatable plan gives you something more useful than a packed social calendar: opportunities to get to know people at your own pace.
Start with the kind of connection that suits you
Choose settings that make spending time with people enjoyable, rather than treating every invitation as something you should accept. Being introverted doesn't automatically mean you're shy or anxious around people. You might enjoy meeting strangers but prefer quieter conversations, a shared task or time alone afterwards.
Think about occasions when conversation has felt comfortable. Were you walking alongside someone, making something together or discussing an interest? Use those details to guide your search.
Choose your own version of social
A conversation with another person, a small activity group and a busy gathering offer different experiences. None is the correct choice for every introvert.
You might love a lively games session but dislike an unstructured drinks event. Look for the format you enjoy, not just an event labelled as suitable for introverts. You can also leave space in your calendar instead of filling every available evening.
Choose activities where conversation has a natural starting point
Look for something you'd enjoy even if you only have a brief conversation. That makes the outing worthwhile without depending on an immediate connection.
Useful options include:
- A walking group: the route gives you something to discuss, and conversation can happen alongside the activity.
- A class or creative session: materials, techniques and shared progress provide starting points.
- Volunteering: a clear task gives you a practical reason to speak with other participants.
- Board games: rules and decisions provide structure, though noise and competitiveness vary.
- A shared-interest group: books, gardening, photography or another interest give you common ground.
Check whether the activity actually allows conversation. A performance may be enjoyable, but a discussion afterwards offers a clearer opening to meet people.
Check the format before you go
Look for details about group size, noise, duration, newcomer access and whether the activity repeats. “Everyone welcome” is helpful, but knowing what happens when you arrive is more useful.
If the description leaves you guessing, send the organiser a practical question: “I'm new to the group. How does the session usually start?” Their answer can help you picture the experience before committing.
How to make friends as an introvert in a new city: a flexible plan
Use your first month to find a routine you can sustain, not as a deadline for finding friends. Move through these stages at whatever pace fits your circumstances.
- Choose a recurring activity. Find something interesting with a manageable journey and a format you understand. Save an alternative in case it gets cancelled.
- Make room to return. After attending, consider whether you'd enjoy going back. You don't need an instant connection to find the activity worth repeating.
- Try a follow-up. When conversation feels comfortable, suggest attending the next session together or doing something nearby afterwards.
- Review the fit. Keep what you enjoy, adjust what feels tiring and replace activities that don't suit you. Add another option only if you genuinely want to.
A cancelled event doesn't require an urgent replacement. You can use your backup or keep the time free. If a group isn't welcoming, look elsewhere rather than treating persistence as an obligation.
Give an activity another try
An initial visit can be mostly about finding the room, understanding the format and learning names. Returning lets you recognise faces and pick up something mentioned before.
Distinguish unfamiliarity from a poor fit. Feeling quiet while learning the format is different from disliking the activity or feeling excluded. Return because there's something you'd like to explore, not because you owe the group another chance.
Make the first visit easier with a little preparation
Decide what you need to know before leaving home: the meeting point, what to bring, how to recognise the group and how you'll get back. Save the organiser's directions somewhere easy to find.
Choose a manageable aim, such as taking part in the activity and introducing yourself when an opening appears. You don't need to leave with contact details or stay for an extra gathering afterwards.
For a group you haven't met, choose a public meeting place and keep your own route home.
Use the plan to reduce guesswork
A specific plan answers questions that an open-ended invitation leaves unresolved. Knowing you're joining a walk or a board game gives you a reason to arrive and something to do.
Here's how Hellohood works: you open a map of nearby plans, join a plan's group chat, agree on details, receive a reminder and meet in person. You can filter by time, activity or the language you want to speak.
We also ask participants on the morning of a plan whether they're still going. That check helps clarify intentions, but it doesn't guarantee attendance. The app works worldwide; available plans depend on local participation.
The same preparation works for activities found through a noticeboard, community group or local organiser. Before going, make sure you know where the group will gather and what happens at the start.
Start conversations with the activity, then follow up simply
Start with what you're both doing. You don't need an unusual opening line or a polished introduction.
Try a question that fits the moment:
- “How did you find this group?”
- “Have you done this activity before?”
- “What would you recommend for someone just starting?”
- “Do you usually come to this session?”
Listen to the answer, then follow the part that interests you. If someone mentions another walking route, ask what they like about it. Share something about your own experience too, so the exchange doesn't become an interview.
You aren't responsible for carrying the whole conversation. During an activity, it's fine to return your attention to the task and speak again later.
Keep the invitation specific and easy to decline
Suggest something you'd genuinely like to do, with enough detail for the other person to respond:
“I'm planning to come to the next session. Would you like to meet at the entrance?”
Or, at the end of an activity:
“I'm going for a coffee nearby. Would you like to join me? No problem if you need to head off.”
If you've exchanged contact details, connect your message to the conversation:
“I enjoyed talking about photography at the walk. I'm going to the next outing. Would you like to join?”
A clear invitation is easier to answer than “We should hang out sometime.” If they decline, accept it warmly. If they don't reply, leave the invitation there and keep choosing activities you enjoy.
Protect your energy while building familiarity
Plan recovery time with the same care as the activity itself. Keep the rest of the evening free if that helps, or choose an outing that fits comfortably between your other commitments.
Decide beforehand whether you'll join any optional social time afterwards. Leaving after the planned activity doesn't undo the effort of showing up.
A simple goodbye is enough: “I enjoyed that. I'm heading home now, but I hope to see you again.”
If arriving feels uncomfortable, arrive close to the organised start rather than facing an unstructured wait. You can also choose a session with a clear role, such as helping set up materials.
Afterwards, notice what suited you. Was the group too loud, the journey tiring or the activity enjoyable? Adjust the setting before deciding that meeting people itself isn't for you.
Let friendship develop through shared time
Meeting someone creates an opening. Returning, remembering what they mentioned and sharing enjoyable experiences give you ways to build on it.
That doesn't mean every pleasant conversation needs to become a friendship. You can appreciate familiar faces at an activity while staying open to a closer connection elsewhere.
Use estimates as perspective, not a friendship formula
A friendship study estimated roughly 40–60 hours together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and more than 200 hours for close friendship. These are rough estimates, not deadlines or hours you need to track.
The research included recently relocated adults in the United States and a separate sample of first-year students, rather than a worldwide sample.
It also found that shared leisure time was associated with closer friendships, while work hours counted less than social time. For your own plans, prioritise time you both enjoy rather than simply spending more hours in the same place.
Choose your next step
Pick an activity that sounds comfortable, check how it works and decide when you could try it. Leave the rest of your social calendar open until you know what suits you.
If you'd like to use Hellohood to discover nearby group plans, join our waitlist for early access.
Frequently asked questions
How do I make friends as an introvert?
Start with a shared-interest activity whose format suits you, whether that's a quiet class, a walking group or a structured game. Return when you enjoy it, use the activity to start a conversation and suggest a simple follow-up when it feels natural. You don't need to become more extroverted or make every conversation lead somewhere.
How long does it usually take to build friendships after moving?
There's no set timeline. A study estimated roughly 40–60 hours together for casual friendship and more than 200 hours for close friendship. Those findings came from US adults who had relocated and a separate student sample, so treat them as perspective, not a universal schedule. Enjoyable shared time creates opportunities for closeness without guaranteeing it.
How often should I attend an activity before deciding whether it is a good fit?
There's no required number of visits. Consider returning if you enjoyed the activity but spent the initial visit learning the format or finding your feet. A return gives you an opportunity to recognise people and continue conversations. If the setting feels unwelcoming, consistently uncomfortable or simply uninteresting, you're free to choose something else.
How can I make friends without overcommitting or feeling socially drained?
We suggest starting with a manageable recurring activity and protecting time to recharge afterwards. Make invitations that fit your actual capacity, such as meeting at the next session rather than adding a separate outing. You can leave after the planned activity or decline extra plans. A sustainable routine is more useful than a schedule you dread.